


Needy

by byrdistheword91



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Comfort, Discussion of emotional abuse, Emotion Porn, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Married Wayhaught, Post-Series, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26131582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byrdistheword91/pseuds/byrdistheword91
Summary: But on nights like tonight, when the weight of responsibility grew heavier and heavier, when Nicole felt like she was giving everything she had just to keep her head above water, that terrible voice in her head would start to whisper that she wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t brave enough.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	Needy

Needy

Nicole staggered in the door and shucked off her coat and boots, letting them fall heavily to the floor with barely a thought. The idea of grabbing a beer briefly crossed her mind, but her body ignored everything except the well-worn couch a few feet away. With a few stumbling strides, she collapsed with a pitiful groan face-first onto the couch.

Nicole loved her job. Being a Sheriff was her dream from the moment she realized that she wanted to be a cop, and she wasn’t afraid to toot her own horn a bit and say that she was pretty damn good at what she did. But Purgatory was a town unlike any other, and it came with a very unique set of challenges and difficulties.

Normally she bore those challenges with all the grace and patience that her citizens had come to expect of her. Dealing with supernatural happenings, weathering the occasional apocalyptic scenario, pacifying Bunny Loblaw and her ilk, and still finding time to deal with the more mundane problems of Purgatory; yeah, Nicole had found a pretty steady rhythm and typically managed the choppy waters of maintaining law and order just fine.

Well, most days she did.

Some days, the waters seemed rougher and higher than normal. Nicole never really knew if it was due to the typical ebb and flow that was the nature of her job, or just plain old fatigue, but some days she felt like she was drowning. Keeping the peace in Purgatory was like swimming against a steady current with a weight resting on your shoulders, and on days like today, that weight seemed so much heavier than normal.

A part of Nicole wondered if it was heavy because of the burden itself, or because she was simply too weak to bear it. She tried to shake those thoughts off, knowing that she was trusted and respected in her position. By the citizens, by the few friendly supernaturals, and by her family. Logically, she knew that she was doing the best she could, and it was unreasonable to expect more out of herself.

But on nights like tonight, when the weight of responsibility grew heavier and heavier, when Nicole felt like she was giving everything she had just to keep her head above water, that terrible voice in her head would start to whisper that she wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t brave enough.

On nights like tonight, she felt like that scared little girl huddled in the canoe, shivering and sobbing as she floated on a current that she could only hope would take her to safety.

“Waves?” Nicole whispered into the darkness, barely lifting her head from the sofa to glance around the still room. She felt so tired, down to the marrow of her bones, and she swallowed through the steadily forming lump in her throat as she tried to call out a bit louder.

“Waverly?” Nicole winced as her voice cracked and came out in what could charitably be described as a whimper. She hated feeling like this. Small. Helpless.

Needy.

It brought back memories of Goononna, staring coldly into her, telling her that she was putting too much pressure on Waverly. That she was too clingy, and Waves didn’t need to be smothered. Wy had reassured her afterwards that it was “mostly” the demon, but Nicole still occasionally worried that she was putting too much of her burdens on Waverly, crushing the younger woman with the weight of her expectations and desires. Waverly was adamant that Nicole had nothing to worry about, that she loved the redhead’s affectionate and attentive nature, and that she was perfectly capable of telling Nicole to back off a bit if she needed to, thank you very much.

It was a work in progress, like most of the family’s collective issues.

“Waves? You home?” Nicole tried to push herself into a sitting position, now a bit worried that Waverly hadn’t answered. A glance toward the nearby window clued her in, as she looked at the bright full moon glaring mockingly at her from outside.

“….Oh. Right.” Nicole sighed as she allowed herself to collapse back on the sofa. Tonight was the full moon, which meant that Waverly was out in the woods.

Running around, howling into the night sky, and burning off the truckloads of energy that always came with her transformations.

Waverly being bitten by a werewolf was one of the most terrifying moments for the Earp crew. It had happened almost a year ago, when the gang was working with the local wolf-pack to find a “feral stray” that had wandered into the area and needed to be put down before he killed anyone else. They’d taken him out, but he’d gotten a bite out of Waverly in exchange.

The transition into werewolf life had been incredibly stressful and hectic for everyone involved, but Waverly had adapted surprisingly well to her new status thanks to the love and patience of her family, and the intense self-control training provided by the local pack. Waverly had spent her first couple of full moons away from the Homestead, choosing to spend them instead with the pack when they offered to keep her “under control” until she became more comfortable with her transformations.  
  
Of course, Wynonna and Nicole had spent those nights camped out on the outskirts of the woods the pack ran in, but Waverly didn’t need to know that.

Even now, with her furry form mostly under control, Waverly still enjoyed the moonlit runs on the vast property surrounding the Homestead because it allowed her to burn off her excess energy and helped her calm the inner wolf. At the end of the night, she’d always come home to where Nicole was waiting for her, ready to snuggle with her fuzzy wife and sleep off the rest of the night in each other’s arms.

Nicole groaned pitifully. Waverly would probably be gone for a few more hours, so she wasn’t going to be getting comfort from her usual source. She briefly thought about calling Wynonna and enticing her over with the Fireball currently sitting in the cabinet by the fridge, but just as quickly dismissed the thought. Supernatural activity had been higher than normal lately, and Wynonna was probably spending her currently-limited downtime in her own little home on the property with Alice and Doc. Nicole would feel horribly guilty pulling her friend away from her family just to indulge her little pity-party. Same for Jeremy, who was likely curled around Robin and decompressing with some movies and fries.

So, feeling bereft of any other options, Nicole sank further into the old sofa and felt her loneliness wash over her. She knew it was silly, she was very loved and appreciated by her family, but she was just too tired to logic her way out of the crushing despair and hopelessness currently piling on top of her. She felt tears welling in her eyes and cursed herself for her weakness. Her uselessness.

Her neediness.

* * *

Waverly darted through the woods with a speed and grace that belied her currently massive form, her ears perked happily as she sprinted home on all fours. She veered from her path briefly to stop by Wynonna’s place and peek into her niece’s bedroom window, a satisfied rumble emanating from her chest when she saw the 6-year-old sleeping soundly. The rumble grew in volume a bit when the smell of sausage hit her nostrils. She carefully lifted the window and saw the little plate of meat sitting on the table by the windowsill, with a crudely-drawn picture of “Auntie Way” running through the woods in her werewolf form, the bright moon smiling down from above.

She'd handled most of the transition to werewolf life well, but she absolutely mourned the loss of her ability to be vegan. Jeremy was so apologetic when he explained to her that she absolutely HAD to eat meat around the full moon and while in wolf form, or else her body wouldn’t be able to function properly and she could suffer severe malnutrition. Nicole had valiantly kept her mouth shut while she held Waverly through her crying fit, patiently petting her head and rubbing her back as she sobbed out her frustrations with her new life.  
  
Waverly preferred not to think about that particular breakdown too much, though she remained eternally grateful to her ever-patient lover for not telling Wynonna about it.

The sausages now safely tucked in her stomach and the drawing carefully folded in her hand-paw, Waverly closed the window back and hurried home.

Trotting up to the Homestead on her foot paws, Waverly immediately knew that something was wrong. Her enhanced nose picked up something in the air that just…smelled sad. If “sad” even had a smell. And the house was completely dark where normally Nicole would have the lights on and be waiting on the porch swing with a towel and a few brushes to get the stray hairs and leaves out of Waverly’s thick fur before leading the werewolf inside. It was Waverly’s favorite part about her new life, their ritual that showed Nicole’s love and acceptance. The love that had reassured Waverly that Nicole wasn’t leaving her just because she got a little fuzzy once a month.

Waverly’s ears pinned back in concern as she climbed the porch steps and carefully opened the door with her massive paw. The cruiser was in the driveway and Waverly had long ago recognized that Nicole was completely okay with her monthly transformations, so she wasn’t afraid that the redhead had abandoned her, or anything like that. No, if Nicole wasn’t waiting for her, then it was because something was wrong with Nicole, and her wolf would grow more anxious by the second if she didn’t find her mate immediately.

The tension in her body vanished immediately when she caught Nicole’s scent and quickly spotted her passed out on the sofa. She quietly crept to Nicole’s side and gently nuzzled her face, freezing when her nose picked up a whiff of salty tear tracks. This was wrong. Nicole was crying. Was she hurt?!

Waverly pressed her snout against Nicole and gently sniffed.

_…No blood. Not hurt. Sick?_

Waverly’s snout traveled to the sleeping sheriff’s forehead.

_Not hot. Hands not clammy. No sweaty smell._

Waverly whined a bit in confusion, startling Nicole out of her sleep. The whine increased in pitch and volume when Nicole’s reddened and exhausted eyes looked up at her own.

 _Smells wrong. Sad. Mate sad. Fix. Fix smell._ Fragmented thoughts ran through Waverly’s head as her wolf paced around in its mental cage, desperate to make Nicole smell right again. She shook the disjointed thoughts away and focused her attention on the woman stirring below.

“W-Waverly….” Nicole blinked and rubbed at her aching eyes, struggling to push herself upright. “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I was so just tired and-”

A huge paw gently rested itself on Nicole’s shoulder and carefully held her in her prone position as the sandy-brown werewolf knelt on the floor, her amber eyes glowing with an intensity that nearly made Nicole look away. Nicole hiccupped a bit and sniffled, swiping at her eyes with a frustrated groan. Waverly whined softly in response and leaned down to nuzzle Nicole’s face, gently licking at the salty stains on her cheeks.

“I’m okay.” Nicole offered a shaky smile. “I’m just a little tired. And, um, my allergies. I can’t make my eyes stop watering.” Waverly looked down at her with a disbelieving look that Nicole was determined to ignore. “Sorry, I’ll get your brushes. Just let me-oh!”

Nicole blinked in surprise as she felt herself being lifted and cradled by two huge furry arms. Waverly carefully adjusted Nicole so that her head was resting against her broad chest before turning towards the stairs and making her way up, carrying Nicole as though she weighed nothing at all.

 _Well…this is different…_ Nicole mused as she breathed in Waverly’s scent: a mix of trees, grass, and an underlying spice that she associated with Waverly’s natural smell.

Now, the concept of one of them carrying the other wasn’t a new one for Nicole, but she was used to being the one carrying Waverly. Lifting her tiny wife into her arms and carrying her to bed made Nicole feel powerful and appealed to her protective instincts. Being lifted, on the other hand, left her feeling small and vulnerable, and she really wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

Reaching the top stair, Waverly padded into the bathroom and reached down to start running a hot bath, easily keeping Nicole cradled to her chest with her other arm. She absently nuzzled Nicole’s hair with her snout as she carried her across the hall to the bedroom, opening their shared dresser to grab a set of pajamas.

“Waves, seriously,” Nicole tried to protest, squirming a bit as her furry wife started back towards the bathroom. “you don’t have to bother with...”

A low rumble from deep within Waverly’s chest cut her off. It wasn’t a dangerous growl; more of a “hush up, this is happening”. Nicole fell silent in response as Waverly sat her down on the closed lid of the toilet and began stripping her, taking great care not to tear her uniform with her claws. Before she knew what was happening, Nicole found herself naked and staring blankly as Waverly briefly turned to check the water temperature as the tub filled.

Sitting naked on the toilet, being carried and undressed like a child by her normally small and petite wife, left Nicole trembling with the intensity of how vulnerable the act left her. She felt herself quietly sobbing again as she stared at the floor, a crimson blush painting her face and chest.

This was all wrong. Nicole was supposed to be the steady one. She was supposed to look after Waverly and take care of her. Waverly, who had gone her whole life neglected and forced to put aside her own needs for everyone else. She was never supposed to feel that way with Nicole. Like she had to drop everything to indulge in the redhead’s pity parties, or like she needed to look after Nicole.

Nicole could look after herself.

Nicole had always looked after herself.

And as Waverly stopped the water and turned to look at Nicole with those big amber eyes, Nicole felt her breath rush out of her body at how vulnerable she was under that steady gaze. How weak she was. How she couldn’t even take a goddamn bath without needing her wife there to hold her hand. She was so fucking pathetic. Just a big ginger crybaby.

Nicole’s hands flew over her eyes as she curled into herself and started sobbing.

It was too much…It was all wrong…It was so-

Nicole felt herself being lifted once again, this time being brought to rest face-first into Waverly’s chest. One of Nicole’s hands blindly gripped at the warm fur pressed against her, crying messily and noisily as she felt the tension she’d carried for so long finally swell within her until it was too much to contain. She half-heartedly tried to pull away, but the massive arms wrapped around her didn’t budge an inch, and she gave in submissively as a large paw gently rubbed her back.

Waverly rumbled soothingly to Nicole, patiently holding her close as the steady sound of her heartbeat calmed the woman down. When the sobs eventually slowed and Nicole’s breathing hitched less often, Waverly turned toward the bathtub and lowered Nicole into it, holding her beneath her arms to slow her descent. Waverly’s inner wolf shifted uncomfortably, still struggling with the sight of its mate in distress but calming with the knowledge that Waverly’s ministrations were having an effect.

Keeping one steadying paw on Nicole’s shoulder, Waverly twisted and reached behind her to grab a washcloth from the nearby cabinet and dunked it in the water, gently running it over Nicole’s body. As Nicole began to relax, Waverly’s free paw moved to gently cradle her head and neck. Waverly continued her soft rumbling, peppered occasionally with soft kisses pressed to Nicole’s forehead. Waverly’s ears perked when she heard a beautiful sound: Nicole giggling softly. She glanced up questioningly, and Nicole responded by pointing a bit behind her.

“Your tail…” She dissolved into giggles as Waverly craned her head around to see her tail wagging back and forth happily. She huffed a bit but took the teasing laughter in stride. A little teasing was worth it for coaxing even the smallest and briefest of smiles out of Nicole.

Waverly returned to her task, soaping up the washcloth and starting to scrub Nicole down more thoroughly as she leaned into Waverly’s arm and watched with slightly unfocused eyes.

“…I always hate when I get sick or anything like that.” Nicole murmured, her eyes staring into the water. Waverly continued washing, understanding that when Nicole started talking about her feelings, the best thing to do was to be patient and let her work through it.

“One time I sprained my ankle so bad in high school, I was honestly worried that it was broken. I didn’t tell anyone about it until my basketball coach saw me nearly in tears during practice because it hurt so much. She told me she was taking me to the hospital, and I actually said, ‘No, you don’t have to do that, I can just ride my bike there.’ I just…didn’t want to feel needy. Like I was a burden on someone else.”

Waverly leaned over and kissed Nicole’s forehead, offering comfort while simultaneously encouraging her to continue.

“When I was a kid, not too long after…” Nicole swallowed hard, “…after Bulshar…I got really sick. I think it was the flu, or something, I just remember feeling so awful. My aunt and uncle were…you know…and my grandparents had died before I was even born, so Mom and Dad didn’t have anyone to foist me off on. They actually had to be parents for about a week or so.”

Nicole huffed a small, sardonic laugh. “God, you’d have thought they’d been asked to give up a kidney, or something. I mean, they did take care of me, since the law kind of frowns upon letting your feverish kid waste away under your own roof, but even at that age, I knew they hated being relied on. They’ve always been those ‘free spirit’ types, you know? Responsibility and expectations ruin your ‘vibe’ and all that.”

Somehow, Waverly managed to swallow the growl that threatened to erupt from her chest.

“But here’s the thing,” Nicole continued, her words spilling out as if a dam had broken, “I actually kinda…liked having them there. I mean, I was a little spacy from the fever, so it was pretty easy to tune their bitching out, and it just…I don’t know, it just felt nice to…be taken care of.”

The last part was whispered, as if Nicole were revealing a shameful sin.

“A part of me sort of wanted to be sick all the time. It’s weird, I know, but I knew they were only doing all of this because I was sick, so I thought…that maybe if I were always sick, then they’d have to look after me. That they’d have to, you know…stick around…” Nicole started to curl a bit more in on herself, leaning further into Waverly’s arm as best she could with the bathtub in the way.

Waverly had finished scrubbing and was now running the rinsed washcloth over Nicole, carefully rinsing the soap from her body.

“I think right around the moment I got that idea in my head, I threw up on my bedroom floor, and my mom came in because she heard me crying over it.” Nicole’s voice was so quiet, Waverly absently wondered if she could only understand her because of her temporarily enhanced hearing. “She was frustrated because it’d been almost a week of this crap, and she kinda huffed and said ‘God, you are the neediest little crybaby’ while she went to get something to clean it up with. I felt like shit, because of the whole ‘wishing I was always sick’ thing, because I realized that I was being a burden on them.”

Maybe Wynonna would be interested in a road-trip this time next month? A little “Meet the Parents: Earp Style” adventure?

“I forced myself to go back to school as soon as I could wobble my way out the door. I stopped yelling for my dad when I’d have nightmares. I went to school sick all the time.” Nicole laughed a bit. “I wonder how many kids ended up missing school because I’d gotten them sick?”

Alright. So. Looking on the bright side, at least the growl that did come out of Waverly in that moment wasn’t the full-blown snarl that her wolf wanted to release. She really couldn’t help it, to be fair. Waverly’d always felt protective over her loved ones, especially Nicole, and her inner wolf had a tendency to REALLY amplify those instincts, especially when she was transformed. Oh well, it was a work in progress, learning to control those reactions.

At least she’d managed to stop growling at Bunny Loblaw.

Nicole pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and leaning more into Waverly, who tossed the washcloth into the laundry hamper and started draining the tub.

“I hate feeling like a burden, Waves. I know you don’t see me that way, and I know you don’t mind having to take care of me, but it still bothers me. I don’t think I’ve cried like that since my aunt and uncle died. It’s just…really hard for me to let go like that. Every time I start to, all I can see in my head is my mom looking at me like I’m the biggest annoyance in her life and calling me a crybaby. I think after a while, I tried to just…unlearn how to cry.”

Waverly looked at Nicole with gentle eyes as she lifted her out of the tub and began toweling her off.

“Can cry…with me…” Came the soft rumble as Waverly’s brow furrowed in concentration. Speaking was still hard for her sometimes, but she could manage simple words.

“I know I can, baby.” Nicole stared at her hands as she idly fiddled with them. “I just…I don’t know. I think I’m scared of feeling like…” she gestured vaguely “like this. It’s like when I told you about Bulshar, and the nightmares started up. Like if I talk about this stuff, and if I let myself be upset and cry about it, then all that stuff becomes real again. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable, and it’s really hard for me to feel that way.”

“Try.” Came the simple reply as Waverly hung the towel on the nearby hook and grabbed Nicole’s pajamas.

“I mean, I am.” Nicole muttered as she raised her arms for Waverly to pull her shirt over her head, having accepted that this was just how tonight was going to go. “It’s just…scary.”

Waverly hummed thoughtfully before slipping Nicole’s pajama pants on and lifting her back into her massive arms to carry her to the bedroom. Once there, Waverly climbed into the bed and sat against the wall, settling Nicole onto her lap and guiding her head onto her chest. Too tired to resist at this point, Nicole simply sank into the soft fur and listened to the strong heartbeat under her ear. After a few minutes of silence, Waverly’s deep voice rumbled softly into the darkness.

“Get scared too. Sometimes…world…big and scary.” Waverly gently pulled the ties from Nicole’s hair and began carefully running the clawed fingers of her paw through her hair, gently detangling it. “But…okay to be scared. Cause you big…when I not. Let me be scared…so I can be brave. Easy to be brave. Cause you let me…be scared.”

Nicole began idly scratching Waverly’s chest as she spoke, smiling softly at the pleased noises coming from the ball of muscle and fur beneath her.

“Let me be brave now?” Waverly asked, her massive paw now rubbing Nicole’s back. “I let you…be scared?”

“I…” Nicole took a deep breath, still a bit shuddery from the emotional evening. “I’ll try.”

Waverly kissed her head in response, smiling to herself. Nicole smelt right again.

“I’m sorry if I still slip up though.” Nicole looked up sheepishly. “Old habits are really hard to break. And like you said, the world is big and scary.”

“I bigger…and scarier.” Waverly grinned, showing her massive teeth.

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing emotional conversations and couples talking things out, even when sometimes it comes out a bit disjointed and messy. Admittedly, a lot of this conversation is based on ones I've had with my own girlfriend. I hope it came across as Nicole working out her thoughts as opposed to the author just being a bad writer, haha.
> 
> Anyway, yell at me on twitter, if you wanna: https://twitter.com/byrdistheword25


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